break up with your girlfriend, I'm bored

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We’re back after taking a break last week for Halloween. Did you do anything fun? My friend and I threw a Barbie-themed murder mystery party, and not to brag, but we slayed. (Get it? Bc murder? I’m writing this at midnight on Monday night, so the jokes will continue to be no good, but we’ll get through it together lol.)

Today is about ~sitting in stability.~ That may sound boring, but I’m actually going to be pretty open here, so buckle up.

Dr. A (my therapist, who I often mention, for the new readers here) asked me last week how my new job is going. “I love it. Like, I genuinely enjoy working,” I told him. “But it is a little…boring? It’s hard to explain because I’m not bored, but…”

He stopped me as I trailed off and asked: “Is it a healthy environment?”

I immediately knew where he was going with that. “Yes,” I said. “Very.”

“That’s why you feel bored.”

First of all, rude lol. Second of all, absolutely true. In my most recent job before this one, I was not treated well. I didn’t know on any given day whether my boss would be nice to me or whether what I said would set him off. It was like walking on eggshells. In the job before that, I gave up my apartment to travel across the country on no sleep for a year and a half; I willingly sacrificed stability for that job.

Whether it’s work, a friendship, or a relationship, the cycle looks the same: an unstable environment brings excitement - very high highs and really low lows. The highs feel like a drug, and whenever you hit a low, you just keep searching for that high again.

Enter a stable job, friend or partner. There aren’t any super low lows, but that means there also aren’t really high highs. The hit you’re looking for is gone. The stability can feel boring if you’re used to the rollercoaster, but this is healthy.

Now, this doesn’t mean we’re supposed to be complacent and sit in boredom or in a job we don’t find stimulating. Because I actually do find my job to be challenging in a new way. I’m learning something new every day, and I love celebrating the wins and learning from my misses. It’s not a boring job, to be clear. I’m the problem here.

So I am saying that, for me, this was worth examining because I hadn’t realized I had been unwittingly chasing the wrong work environment. I hadn’t known better until someone pointed it out.

Maybe this isn’t you. That’s ok, I’m sure it’s someone you know. Or if this is relatable to you, whether it’s in friendships or relationships or work or something else in life, I hope it gives you a second to reexamine the situation. Let me know, and we can work becoming content - and not bored - with stability 😉 

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