Are you a sociopath?

Just kidding. The subject line is actually just referencing the suggested reading this week that I read in The Atlantic, linked below.

Though believe it or not, I might have a segue from that. Which is that my goal is to be the kind of manager whose direct reports don’t question whether or not I am sociopathic. (Ok, that’s maybe a little clunky, but we’ll make it work.)

This week, I had lunch with one of my new co-workers who holds the same title as I do. We talked about my favorite subjects - therapy and our pets lol - but we also talked about what it’s like to be in managerial roles, which we had never found ourselves in before this job.

Another thing we had in common: we left toxic bosses. Although she’d come to this workplace three years ago, we’d both experienced being…mismanaged, to put it kindly, in our last jobs.

When we talked about our goals for how we want to be seen as leaders, I was so impressed that I joked, “Wait, can you manage me?”

We’re only learning, and we still have so much to learn. (And thankfully, I do have a couple wonderful examples from before my last situation of what it means to be a good manager.) But this is what we both decided: we want to be the managers we wish we had, especially in our last role. My co-worker said that she likes to view any negative interaction with a higher-up as a learning lesson. “I ask myself: ok, if I were my boss in this situation, and my direct report had made a mistake, how would I have handled it differently so I wouldn’t make the person feel like I feel right now?”

My co-worker said she leads with empathy first. Which, I wish we all did? I think we can all strive to do that - except of course when someone microwaves tuna for lunch in the shared kitchen.

A long time ago, a therapist (not Dr. A) told me: “Nothing’s that serious.” That’s honestly my philosophy with work. I care a lot because it’s my nature to want to excel in what I do. But the moment I start taking it - or myself - too seriously, I enter into dangerous territory of becoming the kind of manager I don’t want to be.

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Do you manage people? What’s your philosophy? You can find me on IG or just reply to this email. Or if you have any questions, send those, too. Getting your emails is still my favorite part of the week, so please keep them coming 🙂