The economics of recognition

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This was a big week for me. I graduated from therapy! Didn’t know that was possible? I didn’t either. But the long and short of it is, I really didn’t have too much to talk about with Dr. A in the last couple weeks, and he began to ask me a series of questions before saying…. “I think it’s time for you to fly.”

And I told him I agreed. So, after two+ years, we said goodbye — for now, at least. The reason I bring it up is because during that conversation, I had a really great realization.

I feel whole. Of course, there are constantly things I’m working on (getting back into a consistent workout routine with a busy schedule, for one), but there’s one major difference that I wasn’t expecting.

I think we all crave recognition to some extent: from a boss, a friend, a partner, or, who knows, even the public. I’ll go ahead and admit that I love it when a co-worker tells me I’m funny or a stranger DMs me to compliment my hair. But the difference is that I used to live for it.

Bear with me for this metaphor. I told Dr. A that it’s like I used to live paycheck to paycheck in terms of recognition. I held every compliment or word of praise I received so close because I needed the external validation in order to feel confident.

I noticed this week specifically that it’s not been like that anymore… for a while. It’s like I’ve got a fat bank account and those words of affirmation are just nice bonuses. (Ok metaphor over, don’t worry.) I think I owe that to a lot of things, but I owe it especially to a really wonderful therapist who showed me a lot of patience. I learned how to be mindful, and I learned about a gratitude practice. I also learned the importance of identifying my values and living in them. It’s all given me a sense of peace that I didn’t have even a year ago.

Of course life isn’t perfect. But I have the tools - and the practiced use of those tools, thanks to Dr. A - now to approach those less-than-perfect moments differently.

Anyway, therapy — 10/10. Highly, highly recommend.

Do you go to therapy? Do you like your therapist? You can find me on IG or just reply to this email. Or if you have any questions, send those, too. Getting your emails is still my favorite part of the week, so please keep them coming 🙂